Pam: the untold story
by spidermonkey1918
Summary: Pammy is all grown up. What will she do when history repeats itslef?


**Hey this is somethin I had to write for my lit class while we were studying 'The Great Gatsby'. I just thought I'd see what people thought. Please review for me :)!!!**

"Daisy! Hurry up, woman, Pam's home!" I heard my parents bickering as I climbed out of the taxi.

They both ran out to greet me. "Oh Pammy, darling, thank God you're home! Oh it's been terrible – all the stories in the paper about the invasions."

"Mom, I'm fine. Really. We heard all about it on the radio, but we're safe." My parents were currently living just outside of New York, where I was born. They moved back there during the height of the Great Depression. My parents liked to pretend that we were unaffected, but we were. My father worked extremely hard to build up our fortune again.

After the First World War, my parents' social group, and them as well, became greedy and had desperation to accumulate expensive material things. My father had inherited a _lot_ of money, which in turn gave them a high status. After this, the desperation became a need – something they could not live without. As I grew up, this started to take an effect on me, as I was used to getting whatever I wanted.

Then, when I was 13, I started school in New York. Watching people less fortunate than I am gave me a real appreciation of what I have. My parents were _used_ to it, and so was I, until I saw what having no money meant. The one thing that interested me the most though, was that these people were the happiest people I had ever met. I never believed my mother in saying that money meant happiness, and I don't think she does either. But, whatever went on before she met my father doesn't matter anymore. She loves him.

"All right, then," my father began. "Let's have some dinner; you must be hungry by now."

"I am. What's for tea?"

"We are to have a roast in your honour." Dinner was a quiet affair, the only conversation being about my schoolwork and the terrible beginnings to the Second World War.

"We have some new neighbours. They moved in quite recently actually, nice people. Greatly affected by the Depression, I fear, but lovely nonetheless." Gossip was my mother's middle name. That and vanity.

"Anyway, I have invited them over for afternoon tea tomorrow. They have a son a year older than you, and a daughter a year or two younger. The boy's name is Johnny, I think, and the girl is Evelyn. He is not suitable for you, obviously, but the Heart family are very good neighbours, so I want you to be nice to him."

"I'm always nice," I said, quite offended. She waved me off and apologised. I saw a familiar look in her eye and knew she wasn't finished yet.

"Also, there is another family just moved into town – the Collins family. They've been in the oil rigging business for generations. Very well-to-do, and boy, is their son gorgeous! His name is Andrew. He is a year older than you, but perfectly suited. Oh, I can't wait for you to meet them!"

So this is what she was getting at. Now that I'm 17, it's time to marry me off. Well, it isn't 1790 anymore; I'm not living in a Jane Austen story and I can marry whomever I choose.

--

I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed. It was nice to be home when all is wrong in the world.

"Pammy, darling! We need to get you a dress! After the Heart's leave this evening, we are invited to a party at the Collins'. It's an excellent opportunity and we must make the most of it. Quickly have some breakfast and we'll go to town." I did as I was told and we were off.

--

After we had returned home with bags full of new clothing, the Heart's arrived at the front door. They all looked slightly run down, but happy and respectable people nonetheless.

My mother and father ushered them into the house then out to the balcony for coffee and cake. We all got to talking and found ourselves getting along very well. Evelyn was a sweet girl, aged 15. She read about as much as I did – Jane Austen also being her favorite author.

"Hi, I'm Johnny. You go to school in New York, don't you?"

"Hi. Yes, I do. I haven't been home in ages, it feels so good to be out of the Big Apple for a while," I said laughing.

"I'm sure it does. How's everyone taking the news of the invasions there?"

"Everyone is pretty shaken, you can imagine, but overall pretty well."

"I must say I'm quite surprised. The Depression took such a toll on the city that I would think that a possible war would cause quite an uprise." As we continued talking, I couldn't help but to notice how friendly his smile was and how good looking he was…

--

At 6:30, we shook hands with the Heart family and my mother pulled me inside to get dressed to visit the Collins family.

"Mother, please that's enough! Why are you making me dress up so much? This dress is so _heavy_."

"Darling, Andrew Collins is absolutely perfect for you – we need to make a good impression, and beauty is pain, my dear."

"This is awful! It doesn't even suit me! How's he going to want me in this? I can't be myself in this." The dress looked like it belonged to my mother, or one of her elegant friends. It was too old on me. It was beautiful, of course, and I loved it. But it wasn't me.

It was a sapphire blue, full length, with big waves of the fabric sewn to act as sleeves and a neckline. It was fitted around my waist with a thin belt, a sparkly diamante clasp holding it together. From there, it flowed evenly to the floor and hid the silver high heels my mother had forced me into. She put my hair up in curls and put some simple make-up on me before flitting off into her own room to get herself ready.

--

My father drove the good car to the Collins' mansion. As I climbed out of the car, I stared openly at the enormous building in front of me. Daddy caught me staring and smiled approvingly.

"There now, you see what you could have? It's perfect; the architect is a sheer genius!" I rolled my eyes at him as he turned his back and followed my mother to the very large front door.

A stout, balding man answered the door. "Mr and Mrs Buchanan! Welcome! Ah, and this must be young Pamela. Well, Tom, you weren't exaggerating her beauty. She is the image of her mother." My mother giggled and thanked him.

He led us to the sitting room where Mrs Collins was waiting with a drink in her hand. A young man around my age (Andrew, I presumed) stood on her left and a little girl, around seven, stood to her right.

"Daisy, Tom, how wonderful to see you! And this is Pamela? I've been looking forward to meeting you, dear."

"Thank-you, it's very nice to meet you." Mr Collins cleared his throat.

"Now, I would like to introduce my son, Andrew. He has just graduated from Oxford. He returned to America just a few days ago. Perfect timing as well, what with all the invasions and everything. And this is our daughter, Anna. She's still only seven, bless her."

"It's nice to meet you Andrew and Anna." Andrew looked directly into my eyes and smiled.

"It's nice to meet you, too, Pamela."

Over the next half an hour, more guests started to arrive and Mr and Mrs Collins would go out to greet them. My parents knew the majority of the guests already so they went and mingled with them leaving Andrew, Anna and I in the sitting room.

We sat with drinks in hand making awkward small talk. At about 9, Anna fell asleep on the couch, so Andrew scooped her up in his arms to take her upstairs to her room. I tagged along and marvelled at the elaborate designs throughout the house.

--

Andrew shut Anna's door closed behind us and we wandered back downstairs to the party.

"So-" we both began.

"You first," I said, embarrassed.

"No, please ladies first." I cleared my throat and tried to remember what I was going to say.

"How was school at Oxford? What did you study?" I was genuinely interested now.

"It was quite an experience, very classy. I studied philosophy and literature and then I changed to law. At first I didn't know what I wanted to do, but I found the law programme interesting, so I went with that in the end."

"Wow. That sounds amazing. Tell me, what was it like coming home? I mean, with all the invasions going on it must have been terrifying to travel, especially alone. I only had to come from New York and I was scared the whole time!"

"I'll admit it wasn't the easiest thing I've ever done. The airports are packed with soldiers and military personnel that make it quite daunting. What are you studying in New York?"

"Psychology. I love it – it's absolutely fascinating the way the mind works. Did you know at the moment they…"

We continued to talk until the early hours of the morning and I was really beginning to like him. Not the way I had liked Johnny, though. I felt a pull towards Johnny and I _really_ liked him.

Andrew and I could relate to many things in that we both come from similar backgrounds and had similar meddling mothers, but Johnny and I had so many common interests. We both loved psychology and would be able to spend hours on end talking about it, and I just felt more comfortable around him. Andrew was loveable in a friendship-I-feel-your-pain-from-your-mother type way whereas Johnny was just loveable in a _love_ sort of way.

As soon as I realised all of this I immediately tried to retract it. I've met both men _once_ in _one_ day and I'm already deciding how I like them?

--

I braced myself for the oncoming interrogation my mother was bound to give me in the car on the way home.

"So, Pammy, you and Andrew seemed to get along very well. What did you talk about?" She sounded delighted. I suddenly felt sorry for the poor guy. His mother was worse than mine, apparently.

"Not a whole lot. Mostly about school and that sort of thing." She scoffed.

"What?"

"School? That's all?"

"What should we have talked about?"

"Well I don't know, but _school_. Honestly Pam." There was a short silence and then my father spoke up.

"Paul Heart called while you two were getting ready. They're going to stop by tomorrow." My heart sped up. I would get to see Johnny again.

"What time? I wanted to go to town tomorrow," my mother asked.

"About 12:30, I think. They were going to come over on their way home from Church."

"Oh, well I suppose I could go in the morning and be back by then. Do you want to come with me, Pam?"

"No, I think I'll stay at home. I've got this book I wanted to read. I'm dying for a sleep-in, too."

--

As the Heart's pulled up outside our big house, I dashed down the stairs to answer the door.

I opened it and found a very tall Johnny smiling down at me. I was momentarily lost in his eyes.

"Er, hi everyone. Please come in, come in!" I stepped to the side and let them into the house.

I heard a chuckle from behind me as we walked into the lounge room. I spun around and glared playfully at him.

"Are you laughing at me?" He composed himself slightly.

"Of course not," he said innocently, fighting back laughter. I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, OK. Anyway, do you want to go outside? It's a beautiful day."

"Yes! Let's all go outside! Tom, get us some cool drinks brought to the patio," my mother ordered.

--

"So, how was it meeting the brilliant Andrew Collins?" I had already complained the day I met Johnny that my mother was trying to set me up with some rich man who she deemed suitable for me.

"It was…not as bad as I thought it would be. He's actually quite a nice guy." He tried to smile and say "Oh, that's good," but it didn't go very well. Was there something going on there?

I cleared my throat. "So, um, how was Church?" He rolled his eyes.

"It was Church. I mean, I'm not an atheist, but it wasn't the highlight of my day. How about you? How was your morning?"

"Well, we don't go to Church, so I don't know what that's like. But, until right about now, my day has been pretty boring. I read a book and slept in. The usual for a Sunday morning. My mother went to town. Shopping is her form of religion."

"So, er, you liked Andrew Collins?"

"Yes. Why?"

"No reason." I let it go, but I was curious. Could he be jealous, or did he just not like Andrew?

--

Over the next few weeks, I spent half my time with Johnny and his family. Another large portion of my time was spent with Andrew, which I could tell Johnny didn't like so much.

The time I spent with Johnny was so different than with Andrew. With Johnny it was so natural and we had fun. With Andrew, it was always our mothers pushing us together, taking every opportunity to lock us in a room together or keep us seated together at dinner.

--

I woke up one morning to the shrill sound of the telephone. I heard my father's deep voice answer in a slightly sleepy voice.

"Andrew! Good to hear from you, son. What can I do for you?" They spoke for about another ten minutes til I heard my name being called from downstairs, saying Andrew wanted to talk to me.

"Hello?" I yawned.

"Hi, Pam. Did I wake you? I'm sorry; you should go back to bed." I grinned.

"Well, it's too late now, buster. Anyway, how can I help you, Mr Collins?"

"Well, Miss Buchanan, I was wondering if you would like to accompany me to the theatre tonight."

"Why I'd love to. Thank-you so very much, sir." I laughed, imagining the smile on his face.

"You're most welcome. Shall I send the carriage at seven?" I giggled again.

"The carriage?"

"OK, how about I send myself in my car at seven?"

"Sounds good to me. I'll see you then." I hung up, smiling at his sweetness. My mother was sitting on the couch in the lounge, a huge grin on her face.

"The theatre tonight. Oh, sweetheart, you need a new dress!"

"No! No, I don't. I haven't even worn half the clothes you bought me when we went out the day after I got home. I'll wear that other green dress – that's a pretty one." She frowned but gave up and turned back to her fashion magazine.

--

As promised, at seven o'clock that night Andrew showed up in a shiny black car. He opened my door for me and promised my parents he'd have me back by close to midnight.

"So, what are we going to see?"

"Well, I heard about this new show that's supposed to be very good. Something about 'The American Dream.'"

He pulled up at a fancy looking Italian restaurant.

"I thought we might have a bite to eat first." I smiled as he opened my door for me and helped me out of the car.

After we had ordered, we chatted comfortably. It seemed as though his mother was as desperate to get us together as mine was.

"Money, money, money," I said, shaking my head in shame. He laughed in agreement. Our food followed soon after and we ate, anxious to see the show.

Andrew had me back at just past midnight, and walked me to the door like the gentleman he was. I was shocked, though unsurprised, when he leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips.

"Goodnight, Pam. Sweet dreams."

"Thanks so much for tonight, I had a really good time. 'Night." I saw the light on in the sitting room and knew my parents were waiting to ambush me.

"He kissed you!" My mother was beside herself with joy. I smiled at her. She was more excited than I was.

"Yes, he did. G'night. See you in the morning." I could tell she wanted to protest but I almost saw her making the mental note in her head to interrogate me tomorrow. I had some serious thinking to do.

I thought back to the goodnight kiss Andrew had given me while I got ready for bed. I knew sooner or later it would happen, but I wasn't sure how I was going to feel when it did.

I felt nothing.

This put me in an awkward spot. What if Andrew felt something? What if he didn't? Our parents were so pushy I didn't know what would happen if we both felt nothing but annoyance towards our desperate mothers.

I wanted to see Johnny all of a sudden. I had the most awkward feeling – it was almost guilty, even. I wanted to talk to him, to just have him close by me.

--

As if he could read my thoughts, Johnny and his family came over the next morning. He could tell right away that something was bothering me. I tried to hide it, but he saw right through me.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm fine, just tired. I went out last night with Andrew." He narrowed his eyes but didn't say anything. Evelyn overheard us and walked over, kissing me on the cheek.

"Hi Pam! You went out with Andrew? Where did he take you?"

"He took me to the theatre. It was pretty good; I saw loads of gorgeous dresses." Evelyn eventually went over to where our parents were sitting with drinks and sweets.

"You've been quiet, Johnny. What's wrong?" He looked away.

"Pam, I just…do you love him?"

"I…" I stuttered. "No. No, I don't think I do. Why? What is the matter with you?" There was a short silence.

"I love you, Pam. I'm in love with you." I stared at him, completely shocked. I had not prepared myself for this. Sure, I knew we were close but still…I never expected for him to feel the same way…

"Oh my God." Before I could say anything more, he leaned in and kissed me sweetly yet passionately. This time, I felt something. I felt more than something. When he pulled back I let out a huge breath of air.

"I love you, too," I whispered.

--

"Kids!" I heard our parents calling us from the balcony. We wandered over to see them huddled around the newspaper.

"What's going on?" I saw the front cover and gasped. Johnny put his arms around my shoulders to comfort me, his own face showing the fear I felt.

The pictures and headlines of a full out war beginning were so disturbing I almost felt sick.

"Oh my God, it's awful!" I whispered. He hugged me tighter and rubbed my arms soothingly.

"All those people, already dead." I'd never heard my mother so concerned for other people.

"It's so horrible! What if they come here?" Julie Heart sobbed. My eyes widened and glazed over with tears at the thought.

Johnny watched me carefully for the rest of the day. He stayed close by me and I felt so safe in his arms.

I knew from that instant that he was all I wanted. I didn't want the money, the huge houses, the big, over-the-top parties – I just wanted him.

Now I had three problems to deal with. Andrew, my mother and his mother. What could I possibly say to them? I prayed to God that Andrew felt the lack of a spark between us the other night. I was hopeful that we would be able to remain friends, but I wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to.

My mother and I drove to the Collins' big mansion later that night for dinner. I had knots in my stomach the entire way and she noticed my jumpiness.

"Pam, what is wrong with you?"

"Nothing, I'm fine. I'm…hungry."

"Pam, darling, you've never been a good liar. What's the matter?"

"Mom, I have a problem. I mean, you probably can't relate much, but still, it's a huge problem for me."

"What is it?"

"Well, you saw Andrew kiss me the other night, right? Well, I didn't feel anything. I mean, he's a really nice guy and we're really good friends, but I don't think we could ever be more than that. And then, Johnny kissed me today and I…"

"What?"

"I love him."

"Firstly, Pam, you have no idea how much I can relate to that. I've never spoken about this since it actually happened, but I was in love with a man who had nothing. Jay Gatsby. He was a soldier and we had an affair for a while until he had to fight in the war. Then, I met your father. I love him, too. But, when you were about three, I met Gatsby again. He had built himself a huge fortune. But I didn't wait for him. Your father had the life I wanted and offered it to me, so I took it. I can't say I regret my decision, because I love my life. We're…happy together, your father and I. You could be happy with Andrew."

I didn't know what to say. Everything I thought I knew about my mother just flew out the window. I never thought there could be anything we could relate to. I thought she was a greedy, desperate material girl, but it turns out there is more to her than that. She's fragile and still partly broken.

--

"Hi," Andrew said, kissing me on the cheek. "I haven't stopped thinking about you."

"Really?"

"Really." Oh God. This is not good. It's obvious he felt something – something that didn't exist.

I put on a brave face for the rest of the evening. I couldn't bear to tell him how I really felt while he looked so blissfully happy.

--

The next day, I went over to see Johnny. He enveloped me into his arms as soon as he saw me and I immediately felt better.

"I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell him. I will, I just…couldn't."

"It's OK, we'll figure something out." He sounded distracted. I pulled back and studied his face.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Well, something actually. I got a letter today." He sounded choked up.

"About what?" He frowned.

"You're not going to like it. I don't, either."

"About what?" I repeated.

"It came from the military recruitment…" I gasped. Tears began streaming down my face of their own accord.

"No! No, they can't make you! We only just…and you're only eighteen…and, and…" He silenced me with a slow, gentle kiss. The tears didn't slow as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me. I couldn't let them take him away from me. Then Andrew, my mother – oh God my mother. I'd end up like her. Partially happy with a lot of money.

"What are we going to do?" I whispered.

"I don't know," he admitted. "But I know that I will do everything I can that will keep us together." I nodded into his chest.

"Why you? We've hardly had any time together."

"I know, sweetheart, I know. But we'll find a way." My heart picked up when he called me 'sweetheart.'

"We should run away. Then you wouldn't have to leave, I wouldn't have to marry Andrew. It would be great." He laughed half-heartedly.

"What about your parents? And I thought you liked Andrew."

"My parents would be fine. They never see me anyway because I'm away at school – what's the difference? Besides, they're so keen to pass me off to Andrew, aren't they? And yes, I _like_ Andrew, but I _love_ you. There's a difference."

"I love you, too. But what about school? And money? And a place to live? And Evelyn?"

"Oh. School – well, I was nearly done anyway and I already finished a few of my courses. Money – we'll get jobs. I'm not like my parents; I don't need money to be happy. We can stay with my Aunt Jordan for a while. She won't mind and she wouldn't tell my parents. Evelyn, oh Evelyn. I don't know, I really don't know. I'm sorry; I just can't let you go…"

"I'll sort it out, it'll be OK." I left a little while later after I had calmed down enough to face my parents and Andrew.

--

"Oh, Pam, you're home. We're going over to the Collins' tonight for dinner. Apparently it's a special occasion. I laid out your clothes for you, so go and get cleaned up."

I went upstairs and cried my eyes out. Andrew was going to propose tonight. I knew it. I had dreamt of the day when a handsome millionaire would ask me to marry him and it had arrived.

Only now, it seemed like a nightmare. It just goes to show – be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it.

We arrived and I rushed inside. I had to speak to Andrew before we were both humiliated.

"Andrew, I have to talk to you. Now, please." He looked alarmed and I tried to smile at him.

"What's the matter?"

"OK, listen I know what's going to happen tonight. You're going to propose, aren't you?" he nodded, confused.

"Of course, but what's wrong? I thought this was what you always wanted?" I sighed.

"It's what I _thought_ I always wanted. Andrew, I really don't mean to hurt you, but I just don't think we can make each other happy. Do you really think I'm the right girl for you?"

"Well, not if you don't think I am. Pam," he brushed his finger across my cheek. "I only wanted to make you happy, but if I can't do that, then I won't make you marry me. I don't want a marriage based on what our mothers thought should happen. But what am I going to do tonight? Everyone is expecting me to put a ring on your finger after dinner."

"I don't know. Maybe we should break it to them separately. Andrew…thank-you, so much. I'm so sorry. I hope we can still be friends, but I completely understand if you can't do that."

"I think separately might work best. Pam, just so that you know, I didn't really feel it either. I mean, I love you, I do. But not the way you love Johnny. You're my best friend. I'll always love you like that."

"Same here." I smiled at him the best I could and a few tears rolled down my cheeks. He wiped them away and kissed my forehead.

"Come on, we're just prolonging the agony here." He took my hand and led me out to the sitting room where our families were waiting in anticipation.

--

"PAMELA BUCHANAN! What do you mean you're _not getting married_?!"

"I mean, I'm not marrying Andrew."

"Why not?"

"I love Johnny."

"Since when?" my poor father was clueless and heartbroken that he would not be the Collins' in laws.

"I'm not really sure. It happened gradually, I guess."

"Pam, he has nothing."

"I know, Mom. But I'm not you. He's been conscripted and I can't let go of him. I won't take the easy option."

"You'd be set for life if you married Andrew. Can't you understand that?"

"Of course I understand it, but it's not what I want. Financially, yes, I'd be set and I wouldn't have to worry about anything like that, but I wouldn't be _happy_. I want happiness and love more than I want comfort and convenience."

--

I woke up early the next morning, not having slept more than a few hours. I ran over to Johnny's house as fast as I could.

"Pam, what are you doing here so early?" He was up with his father helping him with the cattle.

"We went to the Collins' last night." He understood and put his arms around me. "He was going to propose last night."

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him we couldn't make each other happy. He understood and we told our parents separately. I'm not sure what he said to his, but mine were angry. More than angry – they were disappointed, which is worse."

"I'm so sorry." He rubbed up and down my back, trying to calm me.

"Don't blame yourself, it's my fault. I should have told them all sooner. Now all we have to worry about is leaving. How're we going to do that?"

He sighed. "We'll have to leave very soon. Tomorrow. Did you call Jordan?"

"Yes, she said she wouldn't mind, but we can only stay for a few months. After that, we have to move."

"Where does she live?"

"Just outside of New York – the other side. She has a big house, we'll fit in. I'm going to go. I'll start packing." He kissed me goodbye and I ran back home, trying to think of what I would need to take with me. I couldn't take too much, but I needed the essentials.

--

I pulled out my suitcase and started throwing things into it. Clothes, underwear, toothbrush and some shoes. That's all I would need. I took the photos of my parents and I off the mantelpiece above my fireplace and placed them on top.

Then, I broke down and cried. I cried for my parents, who I wouldn't see for God knows how long, I cried for having to leave Andrew broken-hearted and for the life I could have had.

--

At six o'clock the next morning, I lugged my suitcase downstairs as quietly as possible and brought it out to the taxi. We would be dropped to the train station so we could get to Jordan's house.

I left a letter I had written to my parents on the breakfast table. I wasn't sure if they'd be able to read it; my hands were shaking violently when I wrote it.

_To my dear parents,_

_I'm so sorry I had to leave, but it's the only way Johnny and I can be together. I know you wanted me to marry Andrew and I'm sorry for that too, but I just can't do it. I've found love and I'm never going to let it go. _

_Please don't look for us, but we will call you as soon as we can._

_I love you and I'm sorry,_

_Love Pam._

I took one more look at the house before I climbed into the taxi. Johnny was waiting with open arms and I found my way into them and rested my head on his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry for this Pam. I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too. Let's go."

I hid my face in his chest so he wouldn't see the tears spill over as I let go of the life I thought I had always wanted.


End file.
